Alone in the Dark

  I love my time when everyone has gone to bed, the house is quiet and I am the only person up.  This is my time to relax and complete any household chores or just sit back and enjoy the game.  Most nights I end up eating something, something that I don't need, but can't resist.  I also end up staying up way later then necessary almost every night.  May explain why I am a grouch in the morning, sometimes.
 Now this is not something I do every night, although I have made a bad habit of it since I started writing these blogs.  After all it is the only time I get to myself and my own thoughts.  Or is it?  In my house I have become familiar with all the noises that the house makes, although I still can't get used to having the spirits of my father in law and brother in law in the house.  I know they are there when I feel the need to run up the stairs, as fast as I can.  This is my father in law trying to tell me he is looking out for his daughter and/or my brother in law, who's spirit is 8 years old, getting back at me on behalf of my kids.  The fact is they are laughing their butts off at me as I reach around the corner to turn on a light before entering a room.


Boo!

  Staying somewhere not as familiar can be very unnerving, especially if you are alone.  I have been scared by my own reflection, many times, as well as shadows that are unfamiliar to me.  If you are in the middle of nowhere and don't know the house or the house is far to big to see all the rooms you can get so scared that your own flatulence can scare you, trust me I know.  On a night when I stayed at the cottage with just the kids I decided to get them in bed by 7:30 (normal bedtime at home) and I would enjoy the night to myself.  So, first thing to remember next time is to take the kids around and lock the doors and turn off unnecessary lights before they go to bed.  Why the kids you ask, well, for two reasons.  First because they are not afraid of anything, yet.  Secondly, I can run faster then them.  One more thing to remember is to make a wise decision on movie choice, Amityville Horror was not a smart decision.  Going to the bathroom scared me as there was bound to be someone looking back at me in the mirror.  Sure enough, there was and he scared the heck out of me, although he was a handsome fella. 

  Now, when scared at night, I will walk around talking to the spirits that are around me in order to help me feel more comfortable.  I ask my grandparents to help me find my way in the dark and I tell my father in law and brother in law to back off as I will get back at them one day.  Apparently, they are not worried because they are here right now (based on the noise I just heard).  Okay guys I hear you, my wife is wonderful and she can sleep in tomorrow.  Does that work for you?

  What are your nights like?  Do you get scared of the dark and everything associated with the dark?  Does your mind play tricks on you just when you think you are comfortable?  No matter, when these moments happen no one needs to know unless you want them to. 

Writing my Wrong

  Have you ever said something or, in my case, written something that was taken the wrong way.  You think you know what your saying and you can hear your own thoughts the way they are meant.  Unfortunately, when someone else hears or reads these words they hear something completely different, which is not always a great thing.  A reference to the fat chick gets read and people think I mean a reference to a woman, when I was actually referring to our trip to the farm.  By the way this didn't really happen, it's just an example, really.
  Whenever I post a blog I put it on my wife's facebook as well as my own and I add little comments to get peoples attention.  I don't always inform my wife of the comments that I place on her facebook, which has led to confusion on her part when responding to feedback comments.  On my Bagpipes and Podatoes blog I placed a comment on my wife's facebook that said "(insert sister in laws name), back off", which led to some questions for my wife about what was wrong between the two of them.  First of all, I apologize for the confusion as the comment was meant to be "(insert sister in laws name),  back off my man".  If you read the blog you would have seen that I complimented my sister in law a couple times, which led to the comment.  Let me spell it out.  I mentioned her legs and her hot little number (a dress), which in my head led to my wife saying "hey, back off my man".  Sorry for any confusion to those that commented.  I am curious, those that asked if there was tension between my wife and her sister, did you read the blog?
  As for anyone else that I have offended over the time I have been writing these blogs I do apologize as it is all meant in fun.  In most cases I have exaggerated the facts or embellished things, including my wife.  After all, she didn't skip away from a "giant" snake leaving her kids behind, she actually skipped away from a small snake, still leaving her kids behind.  As for the young lady that I mentioned in the above blog, regarding 7 years.  I was just teasing, he is probably saving lots of money for a big rock to offer when the time is right.  Either that or he's nuts.  And your mom, she's not crazy, she's a mom and you will find out for yourself one day when you have your own kids that it's not easy, and from what I have been told it never gets easier.  I guess that means I am crazy for the rest of my life, which I can live with.
  And just to set the record straight, I do poke fun at myself and will again soon.  After all, I need to get it out that wearing the apron in the family may be a sexist comment, but it is also very breezy.  Stay tuned for the rest of this story, you may be shocked at what you see.  Oh, and by the way, I am not saying I won't pick on you again some day, but it will be all in fun and I will do my best to allow my sarcasm to shine through.

Our Adopted Child "NotMe"

On April 13th I wrote a blog titled "I Didn't Do It".  Have you ever asked your kids who did something, such as "who left the toys out"?  We used to get the I didn't do it comment, which of course drives me crazy.  Someone did it and I am going to be the one who ends up having to clean it up or put it away, so someone needs to own up or rat out the culprit.  Never mind my comments about not being a tattle tale.  Tattle tale and save my sanity.
  Well, it worked.  We have discovered that we have a fifth child that does nothing but create messes throughout the house leaving the others to take the blame.  The charade goes on no more as the kids have ratted out this fifth child and his name or her name, not quite sure yet, is "NotMe".  Apparently we adopted NotMe a while back and the kids have just recently caught on to NotMe's dasterdly plan to get all of them in trouble.  Just the other day I cleaned the basement and a few hours later I went down and there was a mess.  After confiding in the kids that were down there all of them informed me it was NotMe that made the mess.  Of course NotMe was no where to be found, which really ticked me off.  When the kids asked me who had to clean up I answered "NotMe, now go find your new sibling and help clean up". 
  NotMe apparently loved my most recent meal creation and when asked about my new shirt and who liked it I found out NotMe once again stood alone liking the shirt.  I am really starting to like NotMe and tomorrow we are going to the dump together.  I think the rest of the kids are really taking to NotMe as well.  After all, when I asked who wanted to join me they all volunteered NotMe.  I must say, it is becoming annoying that the kids won't let NotMe speak for him/herself.  In fact, if NotMe would stop hiding from me I would be able to figure out if my daughter has a new sister or brother.
  My wife just informed me that we never adopted a new child and that there really isn't a NotMe sibling running around our house.  I am not sure how to take this as it means one less person that likes my meals at dinner time and no one to go to the dump with me tomorrow.  It does however create a mystery regarding the mess in the basement and the numerous times clothes or toys are left lying around.  "I didn't do it" and now finding out NotMe is NotReal, I am going to need help in getting to the bottom of these disasters throughout the house.
  Tomorrow morning I am going to call the kids on their little charade and instead of asking who made the mess I will inform them that, "NotMe has gone to stay with my sister and her family for a little while so I would like to introduce you to IDid and his twin sister IWill.  They will be staying with us for a while so remember their names and use them often". 

Bagpipes and Podatoes

  Have you ever witnessed cadets in full uniform playing the Bagpipes and the Drums as they march by.  It is an amazing site to see and an incredible sound to hear.  On Saturday, I had the pleasure of seeing and hearing them in all their glory at St, Andrews school and it was impressive.

  Now, after the event we took the kids shopping for new books and then to Grammies for dinner.  This was no ordinary dinner as there were my four kids, my brother in law, myself, Grammie and five other women.  There were toys for the kids and cold beverages for the adults, even though the bartender struggled with keeping track of who drank what.  Talk was that it may have been the power nap, but no one complained as long as their glass was full, sorry, no one except the spouse of the bartender.  I kept it simple and got my own, leaving no room for error.

  Now at one point I had a choice to make as to where, or who, to sit with.  I could join the high stakes game of Go Fish with the kids and their uncle (the bartender) or I could join the ladies and god only knows what they were discussing or going to discuss.  Needing a break from the kids I joined the ladies and was privy to a fashion show from my sister in law.  This should never happen where a guy is put in a position to watch female relatives trying on clothes and other female relatives commenting on them.  In saying that the pink coloured dress was smashing and the legs, wow.  Now don't get me wrong, that first dress was a hot little number, and will force my brother in law to keep her close by his side when their out on the town.  Now that I have sucked up to my sister in law I feel secure in my chances of seeing the cottage again.

  As for the other three women at the table I must admit I enjoyed my time with them and was happy to see that a young girl could still become a charming, attractive young woman even with a mom that's a little crazy.  Makes me feel comfortable that my daughter has a chance, although, with three older brothers and their friends hanging around, I think I have bigger issues to worry about.  Now, as for the young woman I referred to above, seriously, 7 years and nothing yet.  He must be really scared of your mom, or he has commitment issues.  Either way there are people he can see about both, after all it must be him, it's always the guy, no matter the situation.  Unless it is the mom or mother in law, then the guy is off the hook. 

  Overall, I enjoyed my day and Grammie made an incredible dinner, with awesome roasted potatoes, or was it podatoes, I guess it depended on who was talking.  It was great to see you three ladies and hopefully my teasing is forgotten by the time we see each other again.  If not, my wife put me up to it.  I hope my sister in laws golf game went well and that her husband got through his honey dew list, doubtful, but here's hoping.  Until next time, was that red, white or rose wine?