The Family Bed

  So I woke up this morning to discover our bed was being occupied by my 7 year old son, along with my wife and myself.  In the past, when we had a king size bed this would only be a concern due to the fact that he likes to sleep in every position possible except head to toe of the bed.  With our queen size bed his presence makes it a little more challenging due simply to the fact he is a giant.  A giant that sprawls out with no regard for who he takes out in the process.
  This got me to thinking about all the times the kids have come into our bed over the years and the joy we have had with these moments.  There was the time when my daughter, Frick, crawled in to bed with us followed by her brother, Frack.  We had our king size bed at this time, but that did not stop both of them from forcing me to the edge of the bed.  Not to mention the elbow to the head and a foot to the "tenders".  There was also the night my oldest, Jeff, came to bed with us and pretty much kicked me out of bed, as he placed both feet upon my back and shoved.  Finally, there is our other son, Mutt, who I have slept with a couple times when away from home.  You see Mutt does not move, in fact he remains so still through the night that I keep waking up to make certain he is still there, and breathing.  Ultimately, I get about the same amount of sleep, none, as I do with the rest of the kids, the only difference is that I can move my neck in the morning and I don't have any bruises.  These are fun times and bring many memories.
  I watch all of these T.V. shows and movies showing the family bed and how happy everyone is when they wake in morning and for once I would like to see reality.  Show me a mom that gets up looking like an extra from Dawn Of The Dead, and show me a dad that does nothing but grunt and mutter for the entire morning and he can't look to his left due to a kink in his neck.  The kids will be no worse for where, in fact they will have slept longer and will be refreshed and ready to take on the world.  That is until the scary looking mom and the grumpy sounding dad bring them back to earth.  This movie could be called "Zombie Parents, Morning of the Undead" and it could be a musical with the kids singing happy songs and the parents chasing them around with oversized pillows trying to stop them and turn them into Zombies.
  I love my kids, and anyone trying to harm them would suffer greatly if I had my way.  I also love my sleep and anyone getting in the way of a good nights sleep must be held accountable for their actions, no matter their age.  Even with a good lawyer they could not get off the charge of assault causing bodily harm and bags under the eyes, although, I would probably drop all charges if someone could get them to start picking up after themselves. 
  Finally, why is it that they love to snuggle in with mom and lie still for most of the night, but as soon as they notice dad in bed it is like an all out assault.  I am certain, in the night, I have heard radio contact between the kids giving coordinates for where I am lying and how best to attack.  No matter, I will go on sleeping on the edge of the cliff, with hopes that I do not fall into the abyss below.  After all, falling is not an option as I wouldn't want to come into contact with the monsters under my bed.