What to Do?

 My wife and I have struggled with this for many years and you would think after four kids we would be good at it by now.  We talk about it, we try new ways, we even used toys to help create greater incentive.  Today we made a decision and stuck to it.  It was not easy and a little painful to be honest.  In the end we achieved the result we were looking for, punishment for our son that made an impact.  Now I hope I didn`t mislead anyone as this is a serious topic that requires us parents to put our heads together and come up with a solution.
 What do you do when your son hits his brother because he didn`t want him sitting where he was?  Time-outs, stern talk explaining what was done and why it was wrong, or maybe have him explain what he did and why it was wrong.  All of these involving an apology and a guarantee that it will not happen again.  We have tried all of these and more all leading to an improvement for at least 15-30 minutes.  Now, before I get to far ahead, lets remember I have four kids and they are great kids that just want to be kids.  One has his seat at the table that only he is allowed to sit in, normal for a 5 year old, right.  My 7 year old understands sharing and plays with all of his brothers toys, but only shares select items with them.  My daughter thinks she is the boss and tries to get everyone doing her bidding.  Finally, I have a 5 year old that provides direction for jobs around the house, but does nothing himself.  This is all manageable until worlds collide. 
 Time-outs, taking something away, talks, they all work if you are consistent and follow through.  What do you do when your little girl cries and says through her tears, sorry dad, over and over?  You do like me and hug her, ask that it never happens again and you give in.  The boys are a little easier to follow through with, although threats to loose something are followed by opportunities to gain back.  They learn this and the threat loses its effect.  Today we followed through with a punishment and believe we made an impact on all the kids.  The loss of a loot bag at a party led to tears for a half hour and the other three watching and asking why, which was explained.  Do not threaten unless you are prepared to follow through, no matter how hard it may be.
 My wife and I love our kids and it kills us when we punish any of them, although the alternative is our sanity.  Letting them away with wrong doings leads to loss of patience and even yelling, both from the parents.  We want our kids to grow up with an understanding of right and wrong and the consequences of their decisions.  We also want to see the smiles on their faces and hear their laughter in the air.  What to do?